Some Truths to Live By

In my work as a psychiatrist, I have found myself repeating the same words over and over to many of my patients and in so doing, I have been very deliberate about trying to embody them myself.

I have found these words to be the bedrock of resilience and mental health.  They help you nurture the healthiest relationship with yourself.  It takes time, it takes work, it takes practice.  

For many of us, it also takes a lot of undoing. Undoing what has been done to you by others, and yourself, at a time when a different set of truths were taught and embodied by the people and the world around you.  You know when these "truths" are not yours when they keep you from who you are meant to be, when they keep you from asking questions, and when you feel or know that you have lived much of your life in the dark, afraid.  

The following truths I am relieved to say, I know to be true (for me and many of my patients anyway).  They may not be your truths, and that is ok.  I can only encourage you to keep searching and questioning.

But because these truths I have collected over time are so difficult for me to believe and can feel so unnatural to me; because I have spent so much time scrutinizing them, running from them; and because a big part of my job is having them challenged (my patients let me get away with nothing!), and despite all of this, I find myself being lead back to them over and over, this is how I know them to be true.

When I return to these truths, it is like they are there waiting, expecting me.  Steadfast, unwavering, without judgement.  And it feels like I am home.  This is also how I know them to be true.

These truths are:

1. You are enough. You have to be.  
2. You are flawed.  You will make mistakes and you are still good enough.
3. You have value and are worthy of love.  Take the time to know your worth and others will treat you in kind.
4. You can not truly love/respect another if you do not love/respect yourself.
5. When you reach adulthood, it is no one's job to find you interesting.  That is YOUR job.  Only when you find yourself interesting, can a healthy social life begin.
6. You can not live an emotionally healthy life without unpleasant feelings.  These are to be embraced equally with happy/joyful feelings.  In other words, negative feelings ARE NOT bad or wrong feelings.
7. Perfection is the enemy of individuality.  It is boring and kills the spirit.  Please do not try to be perfect.
8. Boundaries are your identity protecting itself.  Know yours and guard them unapologetically.
9. Trying your best is all you can do.  Even if it may not be enough, at the same time, it is.  It is enough to be very proud of yourself at the very least.
10. You can not change others.
11. You can only change yourself!
12. It is almost always "and, both" rather than "either, or"
13. You are worthy of forgiveness.